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The Laboratory
Trombone Voodoo

My tone is so bad, I'm so forlorn
I need something new to stick on my horn;
whatever works is a big temptation,
maybe what I need is an incantation...

"Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble..
Bring me a high-F and make it double.
Powdered bat-wing, eye of newt...
all I want to do is toot!"

A heavy weight bell, or new valve oil,
(do I freeze my horn or make it boil?)
A new bored out mouthpiece or two for sure,
I'll scrape off the laquer to find a cure.
Automatic spit valves would be the cutest;
I just wanna be a real good TOOTIST!
A weight on my tuning slide? Now that's the ticket,
but I'm running out of places to stick it.

If trombone voodoo is what it takes
I'll see what difference this stuff all makes.
With a new kind of slide cream and a mute or two
I'll circular breathe till my face turns blue.

But it just doesn't work, 'cause I still sound bad,
and I think that maybe I've been had,
so I'll send it all back, even tho it was fun,
and get out my Kopprasch, and start on page one...

-Anonymous member of the Trombone-L
Bass Trombone
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